Posts Tagged ‘Thoughts’
I think…
Posted on: April 10, 2009
I think everything happens for a reason. It so strange sometimes, you go somewhere, you meet someone, and something comes out of that strange, coincidental, unplanned meeting. Or you do something, and the results are unexpected. Life is exciting in that sense, but it’s always scary because there is no control (at least for me).
But I also think that how everything turns out in the end, is up to yourself. It depends on your actions, your effort and your will for it to happen. Now, this contradicts the paragraph above doesn’t it?
And then again, sometimes even if you intend for things to happen a certain way, and you act on it, it may not. Because the universe doesn’t evolve around you. There are always 101 other factors.
Life is funny that way, isn’t it?
But although you cannot control the way certain things happen, you can certainly try and fight for what’s worth. :) You’ll never know till you’ve tried.
Soo soo to everyone! Nothing’s impossible (I would like to think so)! Carpe Diem!
I can’t think of a better header
Posted on: March 5, 2009
Met up with Ping, watched a movie and had dinner with her.
Slumdog Millionaire was really good. It was engaging and it kept me looking forward to what’s going to happen next. And I think it’s quite a romantic story. Anyway, shan’t spoil the movie for those who have not watched it. Only can say, it’s a MUST WATCH! Probably one of the best movies I’ve watched since last year.
Had Bacon Turkey Aglio at Pasta Mania, and I think that Bacon Turkey Aglio is a sham! It’s a disguised Aglio Olio, sprinkled with bits of lousy turkey bacon (with lots of fats).
You know, I found 2 pieces of $10 Muji vouchers hidden in between a book I stopped reading long ago. I thought I had already used up those vouchers, a birthday present from my brother and Philothea in 2008. Apparently, I didn’t and I forgot all about them. It’s stamped that it is only valid 12 months from date of issue. Which meant, it will expire in 22 Feb 2009! I wonder if i can try persuading the Muji people to let me use the expired vouchers. I mean, don’t understand why the vouchers need to have an expiry date. You buy or pay for the vouchers, no loss on their side you know.
Earlier, I played ball. And after ball me and 2 friends were chatting and was on the topic of relationships. We were talking or maybe gossiping about a 2 of our basketball friends. This guy likes this girl, and he’s very obvious in his actions. This girl, not sure if she likes the guy, but she made it clear that she does not want to be in a relationship. And yet, she allows the guy (who likes her) to hold her hand?, touch her affectionately. To me, they look like a couple, only without the bf/gf status. The boys think that the guy is being taken advantage of and is on the losing end and that the girl is leading him on because she likes the attention he is showering her but not neccesarily means she likes him. But to me, there’s no such thing because the girl has made it clear to the guy she does not want to be in a relationship, and however the guy treats her, he does it willingly, so how is it counted being on a losing end? I think feelings/ love cannot be calculated in that way. You can’t or shouldn’t give expecting something in return. But I wouldn’t allow a guy to touch me in that way if I didn’t want a relationship. Haha, relationships are complicated matter aren’t they?
And also, this friend said that his friend who studies Psychology once told him something like, Love, if definable, falls into 3 main “types”- Deciding love, Communicative love and Physical love. And to make a relationship successful, it should comprise of all 3 types. Deciding love being, you decide he’s your boyfriend, and he decides you are his girlfriend. (This part didn’t really make much sense to me, but I didn’t ask too much). Communicative love being, something like, you can easily share your happiness with anyone, but you have to be able to share your woes with your other half, communicate your problems. And lastly, Physical love, is obvious as it is. And Communicative love being the main reason for the failures of most relationship. (Mine included)
I think it’s so easy to find someone who will share your happiness and joy, love you when you are happy. But being able to find someone who will be there to answer your fears and doubts, stand by you no matter how shitty you feel; even for no apparent reason at all, and to love your for all your flaws, is not easy at all. In most relationships, it’s always fantastic the first few months or years. Both sides will give their all and more. But as time goes by, people take each other for granted. Not for all, but I think easily for most.
I think it’s important that when you give, you give within your means and willingly. I mean, of course it’s nice that you want to give more than you can give because you love the person so much. But you have to ask yourself, will you be able to give like this forever? If you are just pushing yourself or being someone you are not, one day, you will tire out. You will never be able to act forever, it’s too tiring. When you give willingly, you won’t feel tired. I know, because the many times I tried to give in and compromise, I did it because I really love the person, but deep inside I wasn’t happy or willing. But I just force myself because I thought if I love the person, all it matters is that the person will be happy.
I remembered asking “Will you ever be tired of me?”
I personally think that as time goes by, you should be giving more and more… And when you give, you shouldn’t and wouldn’t feel tired, instead you do it (and truly happily too) because you really want to do it for your special someone.
Letting go…
Posted on: February 26, 2009
How do you know when its time to let go?
The little things in Life…
Posted on: December 16, 2008
Yes, its snowing on my blog! I love Christmas, and I will definitely miss spending this Christmas with my family and the yummy food at Aunty Serena’s.
Today I killed a mosquito who was sucking my blood while I was eating. It was eating (my blood) while I was eating (my lunch). Hahaha! Anyway, kaa yung (Translate: Killing mosquitoes) is one of my little joys in Life.
A random stranger from the streets said suai zhan ler (Translate: Beautiful) to me! The word ‘suai‘ on its own means ‘beautiful’ and I didn’t understand ‘zhan’ at all. So initially I thought it means ‘dress’, and thought he was complimenting my dress. Apparently, ‘zhan’ has no meaning on its own. For example, if something is delicious, I use ‘aroy di’. ‘Aroy’ on its own means ‘delicious’ but ‘di’ has no meaning, you just have to… use it at the end of your descriptive word. Same way, you can say ‘aroy zhan‘ or ‘suai di‘ as well.
Can someone tell me, what is the correct context to use ” ” and ‘ ‘?
There is good weather today- sunny but not humid or too hot. I am wearing a dress I really like and saw online for $28, but got it for less than SG$8.50 here. I’m sipping my 20baht yogurt smoothie and eating my 20baht of heavenly goodness -“Aroy” brand snack. Usually, there will be lots of broken crumbs by the time I finish the pack, but today, all my pack of heavenly goodness is all in whole pieces; no crumbs! Shiok!
"Aroy" - Garlic flavoured
Nicely toasted bread, butter and sugar coated
I want to franchise “Aroy” in Singapore! It’s so yummy and addictive, I can eat it everyday! What’s more, its really affordable as well – 85 cents per packet! (Although 20baht can almost buy you a meal in Bangkok.) They bake it daily so its really fresh. These packs always gets snapped up very quickly, and they will bake new ones so each batch is always fresh.
I manage to buy my vintage Buddha images postcards today. I had previously bought some before, and wanted to go back to get more but was unable to find the shop again. Today, I chanced upon it again because I had alighted at a different stop and decided to take a short walk to my destination instead. (I had walked in a different direction previously that’s why I couldn’t find the shop, but who could you blame, since all these shops look almost the same!) Although I am not Buddhist, I bought the cards because I like the art on these postcards. It really looks so old and vintage, with pieces of information at the back of the postcard telling describing the image on the front. I bought a total of 18 pieces, for 5baht each and got 2 free! Shiok in a cheap thrill way. I bought more because I want to give them to Uncle (Mathias’ father) who collects images of Buddha.
Dead mosquito, compliment from stranger, good weather, yummy drink and food, good bargain -these are the little things in Life that I appreciate… What are your little things in Life?
Gruesome images
At the very same shop, stuck to the door is the image above. The note says “Corpse of different stages of decay used as means for practicing meditation of monks in Buddhism.” Please tell me that’s not true? A little freaked out by it, and reminded me of my Forensics Museum trip. *Shudders*
Yesterday, there was some kind of rally going on outside Thammasat University (beside Sanum Luang). Everywhere there was selling of red merchandises and the crowd was mostly dressed in red. Apparently, these red- shirted crowd are the National United Front of Democracy Against Dictatorship (UDD), also supporters of the last Government. As you know, the last Government has been dissolved by the Court. And yesterday was also marks the first day of the appointment of the new Prime Minister and he is from the team opposite to the UDD. So this rally, it seems, is supposedly in preparation for a protest (according to my friend)! Right here in the open? Wow…
A supporter choosing his shirt...
1st December 2009. 2009?? Is that a printing mistake?
The corrupted Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra
Thoughts…
Posted on: November 25, 2008
This post is a (very) personal post, very different from the usual things i write. Everything i write will be as how I feel and think at the moment, so it may be a little messy, not understandable and poorly structured. I also won’t bother to put words nicely, so if you think what i wrote is stupid, or mean or blunt, really too bad. Because you can’t always please everyone, so why not just try your best to please yourself. :)
As most of you don’t know, me and Jasmine are not friends anymore! I know, it sounds very dramatic and you think that it’s just some silly, petty disagreement friends usually have, and after some time, we’ll kiss and make up and be happy again. It’s been more than a month since we’ve spoken and I think that’s really it.
What could the problem be? Everyone knows that me and Jasmine are very close friends for long time, almost 8 years actually! When people see me, they will also ask “How’s Jasmine?”. The first person that comes to my mind when I have a problem is always Jasmine, I tell her almost everything. I also know many personal issues of hers, just not sure if everything. In the past, when I tell her how i feel about certain things, I feel very at ease, I know that I don’t have to re-phrase my words, I don’t have to say hypocritical things so that people won’t look at me in a disapproving way. But as of late, I try very hard to be very careful of what I said, because truth is, sometimes I’m very afraid of offending Jasmine, and to be honest, I feel that she’s a bit too defensive about many things. I don’t know what she’s really thinking, I cannot understand why and I don’t always agree because it’s what I would not do… So in way, when I’m with her, I’m not really myself anymore. I think I’ve mentioned this before to my closer friends; sometimes I feel stress when I talk to Jasmine. As Jasmine have said, we should not really have to try so hard to do things each other like.
But Jasmine has always been a good friend, even when 100 people think and tell what I want to do is stupid, she will encourage me to just be brave and try anyway. Nothing to lose! I love her motive! She always tell me to just try, or tell me I’m good or pretty when I’m feeling insercure and I should do anything I want that makes me happy. When I complain about a problem, she’s always on my side no matter I’m right or wrong. She’s a very good listener and always says the right things to make me feel better. I just wished I had treated her the same way she had treated me, the way she deserved to be treated, the way all good friends should be treated! Instead, when she wants to try something, I mention the 100 what ifs and possibilities of failures. When she had relationship problems, it came to a point where I had little patience because I’ve heard it so many times, that I didn’t genuinely care about it. A friend should not have behaved the way I did. I’m really sorry Jasmine!
In a way, I guess everything I said in response to Jasmine telling me her problems, I was being judged. But in the same ironic way, the response I give to her problems, I made her feel like I was judging her. Of course, I never felt that I’ve judged her, and the response I give I feel its in relation to my character. But if that’s how she feel, I really have no right to argue about HER feelings. As many of you know, I am an extremely paranoid and negative person, I worry about almost everything, most of the time unnecessarily as well. I think i take after my parents, because we really worry unnecessarily! But they are just being how parents should be and worrying is their job. They always tell me to wait till I have kids of my own, I will also worry the same way. No need to wait till then, even now I’m already like that. Being cautious is not a bad thing, but for certain things or times, I think it makes things unnecessarily difficult for other people, and especially for yourself.
No one likes to hear negative things about something they want to do. When Jasmine share with me a story or tells me what she wants to do, I always list out all the negative scenarios and ask what if this, what if that… What if, what if, what if… While I would like to think I said those things out of worry and concern for her and they are just merely opinions she can disregard anytime, I actually see it now that I’m really just being… not there for her. Its true i said those things out of my own fears. Why didn’t I just tell her to try her best list out positive scenarios instead? What has anyone got to lose? So while it my right to say anything I want to say, it’s also her right to leave me.
Today, i got a taste of my own medicine. And now I know the feeling of the countless times I’ve made her feel terrible and irritated inside. My mum called today. After the usual rounds of asking what i was doing, how am I she suddenly said “I think you’re wasting your time in Thailand. You should come back Singapore and find a job bla bla bla…” Firstly, I think whether or not I am wasting my time is for nobody to judge. I can tell you I think having a dog is a waste of time too. You can say the dog is so cute, it brings happiness and companionship to you. But that does not mean i feel the same way! I can tell you I think its useless, waste of money and time, can’t talk to you, cannot earn money for you etc. But no, I didn’t say that because even if having a dog is stupid to me, as long as it makes you HAPPY, I have no right to say anything. So in the same way, I understand my parents are worry about me being alone in Thailand, and that they think Thailand is lousier than Singapore and its practical that i should get a job, but I feel that they should not have said I’m wasting my time here, because it’s MY time and I’m spending the money I worked to earn. They said those things out of their OWN fears… If you don’t fall, you’ll never learn to stand up on your own. If you stop someone from falling because you fell before, you deprive that person of an experience and how it is like to stand up on their own two feet. If you say negative and discouraging things to a person who wants to do what he wants, while your words may not be the cause of the result, it may affect.
I know they cannot help worrying for me because I’m alone here, so I don’t blame them for being paranoid at all. Before i came to Thailand, I also worry about whether I will able to adapt to the environment here. No air con, cold shower, no TV, a lot of mosquitoes- Singaporeans are so used to the good life we have and take for granted in Singapore. I also worried whether drinking water is clean, food is hygienic, if it’s chaotic and dangerous as reported by the News… My mum also asked why I want to study in Thailand, Singapore’s education is better, so on and so forth… The fact is, if you have that kind of thinking, it means that in a way, I look down on Thailand, right? In my opinion, I think many people feels the same way, but surely won’t admit it. I admit I felt the same way as her about Thailand before my 1st trip here… But this being my 2nd trip and being here for 3 weeks, my perception changed completely.
Water – I drink the water here for 3 weeks every day, NOTHING happened to me, it totally safe. I think just don’t drink the tap water but at the eating place I frequent, it’s no problem.
Food hygiene – The food here is cheap and DELICIOUS! I never get food poisoning or lao sai even once, and lack of hygiene can also happen in Singapore or anywhere else. I can eat the same thing everyday because i really like it (Omelette & kannah served with white rice) and best part is, it’s only 30baht (SG$1.30). Sidetracking, just today, i ate egg & kannah for all 3 meals with the egg in different style – sunny side up, omelette and hard boil.
Messy state affairs (you see on the News) – There are riots, but only at the government house or some other areas I’m not sure of but it has totally no effect to anything around my area or the places I’ve been to. It’s like if there’s a murder happening at Toa Payoh area, will it affect anyone or anything in Tampines area? Okay, maybe this analogy a bit duh but you get the drift, right? And the news, they tend to really exaggerate. Make until Singaporeans don’t dare to holiday here (Typical kiasee-ness), causing Tiger Airways to offer FREE seat promotion now (not a bad thing).
No air con, cold shower, no TV, a lot (ALOT) of mosquitoes – Come on, all these commodities are luxuries, not necessities. No air con but there’s fan and cooling weather at night. No cold shower but there’s water and it’s just a matter of getting used to. There’s TV but it’s in a main area where everyone watch together. I don’t really watch a lot of TV even back in Singapore, so no problem for me at all. A lot of mosquitoes, that’s the only thing I really hate… I will never get used to mosquito bites! But in Singapore also have mosquitoes, but maybe not so much. Cannot blame anything else, my blood sweet… So can only blame myself…
Education – Regarding studies, I’ve done some research online, but has not yet personally visit the universities or decide on a course. Want to do proper research and understand thoroughly the course details before making a decision. I’m not rash or stupid either. If I study here, it will be for 3 – 4 years, so I won’t take any course just so that I can experience Thailand. I want to be sure the course is what I really want and will enjoy, and won’t regret for the years that I will be there. I hope to self-support, meaning pay for my own course fees, accommodation and living expenses.
If money was not an issue, it would be great to have love to have more choices- Australia, America, France, Japan, etc… Why not Singapore? Education in Singapore is known to be good, NUS is ranked #33 and NTU is ranked #69 in the world. But so? The ranking is of no use if they don’t offer the course I want, right? SMU or SIM is not even in top 400, whereas 2 of Thailand’s universities in top 200. In that case, its also better than SIM or SMU, which both are not even within top 400. (Rankings taken from here.) I’ve considered Singapore before, but the fact is none of the courses appeal to me. So why do so many Singaporeans, so many of my friends study in Australia? Charlotte, John, Christine, Karlyn, Monica and even more I may not know… Jacky’s going over next year. So why all these people don’t want to study in Singapore? Too much money to spend? They prefer lousier education? Those are obviously not the reasons, right?
So why Thailand? It’s near Singapore, so I can go back to Singapore often (1 round trip ticket to Australia is equivalent to 5 round trip tickets to Thailand) or my parents can come over anytime! It’s only 2.5 hours flight, and about SG$200, very practical and affordable! Education there is not so expensive for foreigners. You definitely pay more than locals, but not a lot more and probably equal to what you pay in Singapore (varies for different schools and courses). Food and accommodation is cheap. Meals you can get at 25baht (SG$1.10), which will amount to at most SG$4 a day? Lodging you can get at 3800baht ($165/month, excluding utilities) with air con and is spacious, and near the city with amenities like super market, shops etc. Electricity (if you have air con, internet etc) will set you back to about maybe $40/month? Even $40 is an over estimation, because my friend’s utility bill, without air con but with TV, is less than $10 a month. Transportation is no more than SG$2 (One bus ride costs only 30 – 50cents), and I’m sure you will rent an apartment as near to your school as possible. $165 (rent) + $$120 (food) + $40 (utilities) + $60 (transport) + $65 (misc. like laundry, groceries, toiletries, hp bill etc) = $450. $450 x 12 months = $5400/ year x 3 years = $16200. Of course I know I also have to factor in air ticket money… Maybe I can’t really self-support entirely but I can loan and pay back within 2 – 3 years (I’ve calculated).
Let me calculate cost of living in Singapore. Transportation to any of the universities from my house will already cost $6 a day (at the very least). Meal for one day will be an average of about $8? And in Singapore, I tend to spend money more carelessly, where as if I’m in Bangkok and on a budget, I will be more careful. ($6 (transport) + $8 (food) x 12months = $420. That’s definitely excluding misc. like Starbucks with friends, eating at restaurants every once in a while that cost $20/ pax and buying nonsense. So say I give $130 more for all that, it will be $600 x 12 months = $7200/ year x 3 = $21600. That’s a difference of $5400 and with that amount, i can make 27 round trips to Singapore, almost once a month for 3 years I can fly back! But of course, I don’t even think I will take so many trips. Hahaha.
Studying in Australia, all the more I don’t even need to compare. Lodging costs about 1K/month already. That’s excluding utilities, food and transport. Ok, so what if Australia currency is slightly lesser than Singapore now? 1K + $500 (living expenses) is still 1.5K and $36000 for just a 2 years (not even 3 years) course. And course fees for one year costs 4 times more than in Singapore or Thailand. I estimate the total expenditure for 2 years to be around 80k – 100k. That’s an insane amount but those who’ve studied in Australia can validate this sum, and it will take me 8.5 years even if i save 1K every month.
Also, there are many foreigners who come to Thailand for education. Just residing at my dorm is a Japanese girl from Tokyo, and at Thammasat I know personally 2 China nationals who are studying law and have been here for 3 years. They are not on scholarship and came to Thailand on their own accord. I also met some Switzer lander and Frenches on my 1st trip. The universities in Thailand are really not that bad! And if you didn’t do your homework on the universities here, or personally ask foreign students what they think of education here, or actually see the amount of foreigners studying here (from European countries), and have not lived here before (Few days shopping trips not counted), you cannot compare to Singapore because its not fair at all. How can you say Thailand is not good when you’ve not even lived here before? Its like saying eating Cake A and then saying its better than Cake B without even trying Cake B. (Okay, enough of my analogies right?) Equally, people from other countries can watch TV or hear stories from others and make unfair assumptions that Singapore is lousy.
And if I don’t do this now (what i am doing in Thailand now) I may never have a chance to do so again when I get older or have other commitments (work, marriage, kids etc). I am grateful I am finally able to do something I feel like doing and want to do (without even needing a reason actually). But my reason is very simple- it makes me happy. Actually I don’t even need to give a reason because everyone have different reasons for doing things anyway, so no matter how many good reasons I give, if they are not YOUR reasons, you wouldn’t understand anyway. If I go back Singapore, work, work, work and then what? I don’t get to enjoy the money I earn and I will die with only working experiences and no fulfilling life experiences. You don’t have to agree with me, or you can even think my thinking is stupid. But if that’s how I want to lead my life and if that’s what is important to me (despite how unimportant it may be to you), I think it’s nobody’s right to comment on anything.
Why do i write this? I guess I just hope by doing this, my parents will understand how I feel and stop saying anymore negative things about Thailand to me. I’m already here and will be staying here till 17 January no matter what. So I hope you will be more supportive and let me have a good trip and enjoy my time here without having to get stressed up and irritated over things like this. Money cannot buy life experiences. I know you will still worry and I understand completely, but please don’t judge Thailand when you haven’t experience it for yourself (I once judged too). Instead, to make me happier and to make yourselves happier as well, why not see things in a different light and look on the bright side? You don’t have to agree with me on everything, but please try to understand or respect my choices and don’t tell me that being happy is a waste of time. I will take good care of myself and let you know how I am doing as often as I can. In fact, via this blog you can check and feel free to call me everyday, as many times as you want (but just don’t nag to me how Singapore is better than Thailand).
Phew.
Emily in Thailand 